All of Austria is talking about Bush's "souvenirs"
sent back to Washington from Vienna.
According to our Austrian sources, Austrian newspapers are currently abuzz
with special security details of George W. Bush's recent trip to Vienna. Although
the heavy-handed Gestapo-like security measures meted out to Viennese home owners,
business proprietors, and pedestrians by US Secret Service agents and local
police before and during Bush's visit received widespread Austrian media attention,
it was White House "toilet security" ("TOILSEC"), which
has Austrians talking the most. The White House flew in a special portable toilet
to Vienna for Bush's personal use during his visit. The Bush White House is
so concerned about Bush's security, the veil of secrecy extends over the president's
bodily excretions. The special port-a-john captured Bush's feces and urine and
flew the waste material back to the United States in the event some enterprising
foreign intelligence agency conducted a sewage pipe operation designed to trap
and examine Bush's waste material. One can only wonder why the White House is
taking such extraordinary security measures for the presidential poop.
In the past, similar operations were conducted against foreign leaders to determine
their medical condition. However, these intelligence operations were directed
against dictators in countries where even the medical conditions of the top
political leaders were considered "state secrets." The Israeli Mossad
conducted one such operation against Syrian President Hafez Assad when he visited
Amman, Jordan in Feb. 1999 for the funeral of King Hussein. The Mossad and its
Jordanian counterpart installed a special toilet in Assad's hotel room that
led not to a pipe but to a specimen canister. Assad suffered from diabetes and
cancer and the operation was designed to discover the actual medical condition
of the ailing leader. During Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev's visit to Washington
in 1987, the CIA reportedly placed a special trap under a sewage tank to collect
the Soviet leader's bodily waste for analysis. More recently, the CIA was reported
to have collected waste samples from Ugandan President-dictator Yoweri Museveni's
toilet when he visited Washington.
Even Bush's toilet paper was flown in from the U.S. Air Base at Ramstein, Germany.
In addition, Bush's food was flown in from the United States and tested with
special chemicals before he ate it. Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, who
was shot by a firing squad in 1989, was the last major European leader to constantly
use a food tester. The last frequent state visitor to Vienna, who always relied
on a food tester, was Adolf Hitler.
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